It's so cold here in the desert!

As in! max temperature lately is at 16 deg and bumababa ng hanggang 6 kapag madaling araw. di na kami nag e-aircon sa flat, pero i still almost freeze at night. medyo nakakatamad nga maligo kasi malamig pa rin kahit tanghali. although may heater naman, malamig pa rin paglabas mo ng banyo.

so heniweys, i still don't have job and time is ticking away! yung ine-expect ko na job as sales exec sa isang advertising agency is quite, uhh..., malabo. i mean they want to hire me pero not now. basta malabo and josh advised me not to take their offer na. so kanina na-depress ako kasi i was expecting to have a job today. kaya i bought my first chocolate kanina. i bought malthesers for 2 dirhams. hehe... tomorrow i'm planning to transfer to another house, pero not sure pa talaga kasi kulang ang money ko. hintay pa ko ng divine intervention.

friday dec 24: i went to church! i found a protestant church through the net. it's called holy trinity church. called them up and asked for service timings. i went there for the 9:30am service. turns out, the church is actually a compound for all protestant denominations. pero merong isang main church talaga which is ecumenical, yun yung 9:30 service. it was weird kasi di ako sanay sa anglican type. very close to catholic yung service, and i didn't like it that much. i was supposed to go to josh's place but hindi niya sinasagot yung call ko so hindi ko alam kung pano pumunta sa house nila. while waiting, i browsed the lists of other churches there and guess what! merong vcf don! yey! it was at 10:30, sobrang eksakto ang timing ko so i attended their service muna. it was so great! full-packed ang big auditorium, standing room na nga siya actually. and most ng attendees ay pinoy! the message was so inspiring. they also gave away copies of more than a carpenter by josh mcdowell to all! it was a great xmas gift. they have youth on fire din which i might attend in the following weeks. i think this is the answer to my prayer for a home church.

i spent my xmas with the valdehueza family (actually more like the valdehueza clan) and their friends. daming tao sa kanila! daming friends. sarap ng food na niluto ni tita myrn (yihee... close...) na mama ni josh. i unexpectedly spent 40 dhs for the exchange gift. i bought a towel na sobrang last minute buy. si tita myrn yung nakakuha ng gift ko. i received a panasonic flat iron from lola naman ni josh. it was great kasi 1st time ko na mag-noche buena. we never do it at home. basically because, wala naman talagang marunong magluto samin and we prefer to sleep than eat at 12mn. di nga kasi kami food-lovers sa family.

i spent the next day watching dvds of art films na pinagbibibili ni josh and babysitting his cute cousins while naglilinis ang mommy nila. sinamahan ko rin siya sa driving school niya kasi na-shy akong maiwan sa bahay nila kasama ng buong family niya. next time na siguro.

i'm looking forward to new year. sana lang iinvite ako ulit. pero ok lang din kung hindi. medyo nakakahiya na rin na every weekend nasa kanila ako at nakikikain ng food nila. hehe... sana lang din makahanap na ako ng work before ako mag-1month dito. medyo nafu-frustrate na ako actually. pero i'm holding on to the Lord's promise.

happy new year peeps! may you all have a bountiful and blessed year ahead of you and that you may grow more in spiritual aspect. Love you all!

D'ya Know How I'm Feeling Right Now?

Hay... bobbie i'm sure alam mo to, actually ikaw lang talaga ang nakakaalam how i really feel. buti na lang di siya nagbabasa ng blog ko kaya hindi niya alam. hay... wala akong ibang masabi kundi "The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them." Walang magsusumbong ha!

"White Flag"

I know you think that I shouldn't still love you,

Or tell you that.

But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it

where's the sense in that?

I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder

Or return to where we were

I will go down with this ship

And I won't put my hands up and surrender

There will be no white flag above my door

I'm in love and always will be

I know I left too much mess and destruction

to come back again

And I caused nothing but trouble I understand

if you can't talk to me again

And if you live by the rules of "it's over"

then I'm sure that that makes sense

I will go down with this ship

And I won't put my hands up and surrender

There will be no white flag above my door

I'm in love and always will be

And when we meet

Which I'm sure we will

All that was there will be there still

I'll let it pass

And hold my tongue

And you will think

That I've moved on....

I will go down with this ship

And I won't put my hands up and surrender

There will be no white flag above my door

I'm in love and always will be

Upos na Sigarilyo

Heto na naman ako, nag-iisip, nagmumuni tungkol sa kanya. Hindi ko alam kung bakit kahit anong gawin ko, hindi siya mawala-wala sa aking isipan. Akala ko ay nakawala na ako sa pulang tanikalang bumihag sa akin ilang panahon na ang nakalipas. Ngunit nakita ko na naman siyang muli, at nagising ako sa katotohanang kahit ilang panahon pa ang lumipas at kahit saan man ako makarating, bihag pa rin ako ng aking mapanirang damdamin. Pagtama pa lamang ng aming mga mata, pakiramdam ko na agad ay nasa isa kaming pelikula, saliw ng isang malumanay at mala-Bollywood na tugtuging pinakinggan ko sa daan. Ngunit ang pelikula at musika ay panandalian lamang. Hindi ko na pala siya kilala. Iba na ang mundong kanyang ginagalawan. iba na ang kulay na kanyang nakikita. Iba na ang tunog ng kanyang mga hilik sa kanyang pagtulog. Iba na ang kanyang mga pangarap. Iba na ang nasasalamin ko sa kanyang mgga mata. Kilala ko siya ngunit hindi ko siya kilala. Siya ay isa na ngayong estranghero. Isang estrangherong patuloy na laman ng aking isipan at paulit-ulit na pumupukol sa aking kaluluwa. Isang estrangherong pinapangarap ko pa ring makasama. Isang estrangherong patuloy na naagpapatulo sa aking mga luha.

Natapos na ang dalawang gabi ng pagtakas ko sa aking buhay. Balik na naman ako sa dati, nakahiga, naghihintay, nakikiusap sa Maykapal. Lamang ay mas malungkot, mas naghahanap, mas naiinip, mas nasasaktan, mas nagugulumihanan, mas nagdadalamhati, mas nahuhulog sa butas ng karimlan na aking kinasasadlakan. Natatakot ako na muli ay magumon sa bisyo ng pangungunyapit sa aking pangarap. At ang mas masaklap pa, ang aking pangarap ay wala nang pag-asang magkatotoo pang muli. Ito ay naupos nang tila sigarilyong hindi niya mabitiwan.

Heto ako ngayon, nag-iisip, nagmumuni, nagsusulat tungkol sa kanya habang inaamoy ang buhok kong kinapitan ng usok ng upos niyang sigarilyo. Sa ngayon, tanging mabahong buhok lamang ang naaabot ng aking mga kamay. Ang kinamumuhiang usok muna ang aking pagtiyatiyagaan. Masaklap pala ang mabihag ng pulang tanikala nang mag-isa.

12/18/04 2:15 pm

Wheeee!!!

I'm quite excited and anxious today. I'm going to spend my weekend (starting tomorrow night) with Josh and his family. Exciting kasi masaya ang family nila (very unlike ours), may makakasama akong matino, and itou-tour ako ni josh sa dubai (hopefully!). medyo weird lang kasi nga well... lam nyo na yun... it's not about them being bisaya since nasanay na akong makitira with a bisaya family (hi ian!). pero i'm looking forward to having so much fun kasi isasama daw nila ako sa beach! yey!

Galing akong deira in dubai kanina. Then pag-uwi ko sumakay ako ng bus for the 1st time (that was like 5 dhs.). it's not so bad naman pala kasi the females sit in front tapos guys sa likod. hindi naman sobrang mabaho kasi nga puro babae naman ang katabi ko, pero masangsang ang pabango nila, sakit sa ilong. medyo na-tense lang ako ng konti kasi di ko alam kung saan ako bababa. medyo lousy kasi ang sense of direction ko. (actually di lang medyo, lousy talaga!!!). pero nakauwi din naman ako. hehe... para na rin akong naka-tour ng dubai kasi hindi yung usual na dinadaanan ng taxi ang dinaanan ng bus. and i realized na sobrang pale in comparison pala talaga ang sharjah sa dubai. dubai is like makati minus much pollution. as in with palm trees everywhere and all the tall buildings. pagdating mo ng sharjah, whoa! talk about desert! sobrang sand and buildings everywhere. rare lang ang palm trees.

medyo nate-test ang english ko dito. kailangan kasi dito hindi sobrang straight ang english mo or else di ka nila maiintindihan. kailangan medyo broken english ang gagamitin especially if you're riding a taxi, asking for directions or just talking to people. it reminds me of my writing for children days.

right now, i'm looking for a place to stay. medyo nahihiya na kasi ako dun sa tinitirhan ako and balak na nilang mag-migrate sa canada sa early january. so i'm hoping to be settled na talaga before christmas. no work yet pero i went to a training kahapon. guess kung anong job? secretary! as in! medyo maliit ang sweldo, 1500 dhs. (1 dirham=php 15). pero sobrang walang ginagawa sa office. weird pa yung boss ko. iraqi na malaking mama. creepy! pero ang weird don, ako pa yung ipinagtitimpla nya ng coffee! say nyo! i had a crash course/tutorials din sa accounting yesterday. pero i won't accept the job. i'd rather have thrice the bulk of work (for thrice the amount of pay! hehe...)

i miss my kandirit days... both commonwealth and montalban... my julalay days sa mga volleyball games... ang paghihintay ng matagal sa tambayan para sa isang diva-divahan jan na nakarating ng ccp... singing for the choir and the band... hanging out with friends... pagpigil kay ian sa mga evil plots niya... furthering out business plans with my business partners... maki-internet kina bobbie (to follow na talaga ang gift ko sayo!)... my family... you really don't know what you have until it's gone. i never realized how much my family loves me. until now...

so anyway, eto ko, still searching for a job and a place to stay... pero i'm not very much worried about it. i know naman that the Lord has me in His hands.

Haller from Miles Away!!!

Haller! sorry for the late update. i was some kinda afraid to go out of the house and look for net cafe kasi baka maligaw ako. the flight was great, it was actually the first time i've ever ridden a plane. i was upgraded to business class, so the flight was even greater. almost all the passengers in the plane were filipinos. at first, i was wondering why the passengers around me and the attendants keep talking to me in english, while they talk to others in tagalog. yun pala, they thought i was either indian or iraqi, they didn't know i was a filipina. i wasn't able to eat that much sa plane kasi although the food presentation was great, the taste kinda suck. but the service was great too. siguro ganon talaga kasi business class. too bad i didn't have a window seat. i was seated in the middle row so wala talagang chance to appreciate the view outside. the plane i rode was great kasi i have my own tv set. i was able to watch shark tale twice, 5 episodes of friends, 3 episodes of who said that line anyway (wla nito sa pinas pero sobrang funny talaga), and the feed of the view from the cockpit's camera. it was a 10-hr flight nga pala. i had a stopover sa bahrain (pronounce it as ba-huh-rain). and we were stuck there for 7 hours because of the delayed plane. buti na lang may mga nakilala na ako sa plane kaya may nakausap naman ako during the 7-hour wait. their airport is really nice. so anyway, finally, dumating yuung plane na sasakyan namin to dubai. buti na lang business class ako kasi iba't ibang nationalities na yung nandon, and trust me, they really don't smell that good. my seatmate naman was a greek. galing silang athens ng family niya and sa dubai sila magchchristmas. hindi rin ako nakakain ng marami kasi i chose to eat pancake over scrambled egg. wrong move! ( ben, ian, bobbie: hehe.. di pa rin ako nadadala). so finally nakarating ako ng dubai airport. andami-dami pa palang kailangang gawin. actually konti lang pala. sobrng laki lang airport nila kaya ang layo ng nilakad ko, carrying my handcarry which is actually hard to carry. sobrang cool ng airport nila as in! parang may mall sa loob. :) and everybody is so nice. they actually speak in tagalog. napgkamalan ako ulit na hindi pilipina. i don't know if that was a compliment or what. so anyway, nakauwi rin ako. i'm actually temporarily staying in sharjah, 20 mins away from dubai. i've been to dubai kahapon and sobrang ganda doon. it actually reminded me of global city, although times 5 pa ang dubai don. it's not so hot naman dito, parang almost summer jan. palibhasa december and it's really cold kapag gabi.

today, i am celebrating... uhh... milky's bday! happy bday milks! aside from that i'm actually celebrating something else. no, it's not a clelebration pala. more of grieving this day (alam ni milks to!). sobrang nakakalungkot tong araw na to, and it's just too bad na i don't have friends around me to comfort me. sobrang nasasad talaga ako... hay...

anyway, i haven't seen josh yet so hindi ko pa nabibigay ang mga padala ni suzie. di pa rin kasi ako makalayo ng bahay at di rin sya nagrereply (actually di ko sure kung wala lang ba siyang load or ayaw lang talaga niya akong makita :p)

no job yet. still searching. pls pray for me ha. di pa rin ako nakakahanap ng church. catholic lang ang alam ng mga tao dito.

i miss you all. pero malay niyo, balik din pala ako in 1 month hehe! yun ay kapag hindi ko kinaya dito. discriminated pala kasi ang mga babae dito. or else, kitakits tayo sa hongkong (alf and ben)!!! chige, till next time. medyo mahal ang net so di ko alam kung kailan talaga ang next time.