Homecoming?

i've been disillusioned for the longest time now. i once believed that i'm a strong woman, that i could handle anything, anything at all, that comes my way. i thought no one could ever break me down. but i was wrong. and too bad, i only realized it now.

been seriously thinking about going home. i'm so tired of being here (okay, that's a line in a song from evanescence). i thought trying out my fate and destiny and risking everything was no biggie, but it is. never had i imagined my going overseas to work and earn money, never had i thought i'd be leaving my own country, my own comfort zone, my family, my friends, my church, my christian community. yes, i wanted (and still do) to travel to other countries, but only either to pursue higher studies or to just plain travel, never to pursue a career. but here i am, working my butt off in this lousy working environment, tyring my best to adapt to their insane work ethics, being constantly burdened with the pressure of being a fresher in the company. i feel like i'm back in the raging seas of pangasinan. being held down under by the surf-quality waves, tossing and turning beneath the waters, struggling hard to surface, need to breathe... and i can't swim. i could see placid waters bubbling before my very eyes, my feet cannot touch sand. panic is setting on me. until ian pulled me up, himself much panicked. and we both laughed.

when will another "ian" pull me up from this muck i've pushed myself into? when will i be able to breathe freely and laugh about this? i'm only 19, but i don't feel like so. quarter-life crisis? i shouldn't be in such until two years or so. what am i supposed to do? should i give in to this thoughts that are maddening?

okay, maybe it's just a bad case of homesickness, too bad there's no available over-the-counter remedy at the nearest drugstore.

hundred years of solitude and there's no turning back. i'm in for a ride...

Jetsetting of Some Sort

Qeshm map-I was here!



Rocky Desert

Mosque


Ultimate Desert!

I just spent 6 days in Qeshm Island in Iran. It was fun, being away from work and all that, spending all day having movie marathons, trying to be fashionista in a shapeless dress-like dress called abaya and head covering called hijab which we were required to wear, shopping at the pseudo-mall at the city centre and trying hard to converse with people who do not speak much English (it was a "Lost In Translation" experience). Above all, it was an exploration of a new world out there, coupled with new adventures, new stories, new friends, new lessons learned, new realizations, new stamps on the passport, new pendants, new earrings, new coat, new bag. (Okay, I'm trying to convince myself here). It was nice there, although it was an ultimate desert experience, not much greenery everywhere. Qeshm City was so rural, not much populations, but i won't say they're backward or something, they're progressing, just not rapidly. I don't want to relay all my adventures there, I'm trying to erase my mishaps from my memory. I guess it's just enough to say that I'm blaming them on co-Filipinas who "make patol" to guys of other nationalities beyond a level I cannot stoop down to, thus shortening the lifespan of my beloved beige handbag and my shouting out curses for the first time. Yes, it was that bad.


The pseudo-mall at the city centre

Kharbes Caves


the Portuguese Fort, one of the most historic places there.

On a lighter note, I had a quasi-"Love Actually" experience back there, of which I will not elaborate here. I f you have watched Love, actually more than once, you'd probably have an inkling of what I am blabbering about here.

So now I'm back in Dubai, with more friends and enemies than a week before (for some reason I've earned the ire of a 40 something Filipina there, don't ask me why, I have no idea either). I didn’t have a cam with me (my SLR is yet to be repaired). These are pics from friends and internet downloads. The picture is with my face in it while wearing the abaya and hijab are yet to be posted, I’ms till waiting for Portia to upload that batch of pics.

I’m actually thinking of going back there someday for a vacation but I will definitely definitely not stay in that quasi-hotel with those darned Indians again. Yes, I know I said never again will I go back there, but I have to go back for something I’d left behind in Qeshm.

Dating Standards

In their new book, He's Just Not That Into You, Greg and Liz have written a set of new dating standards for women. They want women to raise the bar for themselves.
Standard-Raising Suggestions
I will not go out with a man who:
(a) Keeps me waiting by the phone
(b) Is not sure he wants to date me
(c) Makes me feel sexually undesirable
(d) Drinks or does drugs to an extent that makes me uncomfortable
(e) Fears talking about our future
(f) Is married
(g)I will not, under any circumstances, spend my precious time with a man who has already rejected me or who is not clearly a good, kind, loving person. [highlighted by me =)]

Liberating Vocabulary
Friend: A person who is your pal. What it generally means in relationships is he's just not that into you.
Busy: Busy means I'm the President of the United States. I'm an astronaut and I'm on another planet. I'm in a really successful band. What it means in relationships is, yeah, I'm just not that into you.
Bad boy: A bad boy is just a bad boy. Stay away. If you're dating somebody that's a bad boy, that's just your fault. If you say "my boyfriend's kind of a bad boy," I feel bad for you. If you say, "I like bad boys" well, then I don't feel bad for you. If you say, "I like things that don't work." Okay, good for you. Generally, guys with low self-esteem aren't worth the trouble. They're just not.

The Dog PoundQuestion: So how do you screen for dogs?
Answer: You just don't let him be a dog. Your standards are so high you don't let him be a dog. You can't be played if you're not playing. What I want to say that is so key for everybody to get. Nobody-even if a dog has been a dog. He has been head of the pound. Head of the dog pound. If he meets the right person, he will change his dog pound ways. He just will.

Question: How can I tell if he thinks I'm worth it?
Answer: If the guy thinks you're worth it, he will do whatever is necessary if he thinks you're worth it. All the guys are nodding. Because he raised the bar and he wants to raise the bar to meet you where you are, if he thinks you're worth it. If he doesn't, then he doesn't. He's just not that into you. And you-we all-should have another standard.

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in short: I will not date anybody in a romantic setting!!! unless.... (bobbie, you know the next line here... hehe..)

Trackback and New Stuff

Blog material I forgot to post and update you with:
I finally finally got to see Gary V. perform live! yey! We went to watch Gary V. live in Dubai at the Global Village last Feb 3. Got in for free (libre ni Josh). Our tickets were the cheapest, 50 dhs, but due to Josh’s, uhh… talent (?) we were able to get in at the 100 dhs seating. We were with UPAA people (Grace, Beam, Galo, Ate Shawie) and Malu, Josh’s friend. I had so much fun because I wanted to see Gary V. perform live for ages. I was denied the opportunity to do so back in the Philippines because either I didn’t have money or there’s a big exam the next day. And when Tita Bel gave away tickets for his concert in Cuneta Astrodome a few months back, for some reason, I was neglected to be informed! HMP! =) Whoever thought that only here in Dubai would I get the chance to see him perform live! He was great, really. I loved it when he started belting out his fast tracks and there we were, dancing and having fun. Galing-galing ni Gary V!!!! Party pooper? Vina Morales singing Pangako Sayo. Arrgh! She went on to sing Beyonce medley so partying resumed. Had bonding moments with Ate Shawie, belting out songs like Di Bale na Lang, Sana Maulit Muli and I Will Survive with so much emotion (hehe… major relate). Can’t post pictures, they’re with Malu and her digicam. Been waiting for her to send the pictures to me, but she hasn’t done so yet so I’m still waiting, hopefully not in vain. I’ll post the pics in my flickr when they come. For the meantime, visit Josh’s blog, extra ako sa pictures don though they were not taken during the concert. =)

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New Stuff:
I miss my long curly hair. I miss people regaling at my hair and not believing that my hair is naturally curly. I had asked my roommate to cut my hair shorter, but it ended up, well, short. It's not actually that short, the longest layer is shoulder length, but due to that, I have unmanageably fly away hair. My friends say it looks nicer since I'm so thin and small, and they wish they have my wavy hair instead of their flat stick-straight hair. Sigh... What else can I do but wait for my hair to grow. For the meantime, I'm just tying my hair back. I don't have time to blowdry or make plantsa (for lack of term) my hair in the mornings coz I'm always on the rush. Can't wait to have my long hair back.
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Worrying about work. I don't know why my boss seems to be so impressed in me that he keeps on giving me jobs I'm not sure I can handle in the first place. This March 8, I'm going to represent the company for a conference with Altec Lansing, one of the brands we're handling. Like haller! I haven't even been trained about the product line! I don't know what I'm going to do there and I'm pretty creeped out. Like, really creeped out!
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Excited for March 17 :PAUL VAN DYK in Dubai! Yebah! I reeeally want to attend the party, but VIP ticket is 180 dhs and regular is 120. Expensive, but worth it, I think. Still undecided whether to buy ticket for myself. I think "he" is going as well (5 points up for reasons to go there). 120 dhs... that's enough for 2 weeks worth of groceries... hmm... priorities, priorities...

heard this song lately from norah jones' earlier album. just absolutely love it.

andres: next time na "carnival" blog ko. can't think of anything right now.

"Cold Cold Heart"

I've tried so hard my dear to show

That you're my every dream

Yet you're afraid each thing I do

Is just some evil scheme

A memory from your lonesome past

Keeps us so far apart

Why can't I free your doubtful mind

And melt your cold cold heart

Another love before my time

Made your heart sad an' blue

And so my heart is paying now

For things I didn't do

In anger unkind words are said

That make the teardrops start

Why can't I free your doubtful mind

And melt your cold cold heart

There was a time when I believed

That you belonged to me

But now I know your heart is shackled

To a memory

The more I learn to care for you

The more we drift apart

Why can't I free your doubtful mind

And melt your cold cold heart