I'm Still Lurking Outside Your Window

I was looking at Himself's pictures just now and a heavy feeling descended over me. It hit me like a rushing gush of cold water and I was overwhelmed with too much shock, anxiety, pain, confusion and a mix of other emotions which created a turmoil in the pit of my stomach.

I'm not a part of Himself's life anymore. The realization of it stinks. I had known it for quite some time now, but why does is still hurt so much? I have my own life, Himself has his, why do I have to be so selfish? Why do I still want Himself for my own when I had known all along that Himself is happier with the way things are right now? Why do I have to pursue Himself when I had been nothing but a major headache and burden to him? I can't have Himself, it will be unfair to him.

I supposedly have left all of this behind a long time ago, but I can't help it. I'm still lurking outside Himself's window, hoping that one day he'd peek out and invite me in. When will that ever be? I hope it comes soon before I freeze to death...